the infamous mind attack destroyed

a different slice of the identity I
different
different
same
same
different
the same entity trapped in the mind
same
same different
identity update
discard malwares - there are no longer useful, no cunning use, no purpose, no benefit
discarded residue of the old, aged, obsoleted
memories
memories ……

there is no use to be I
for I have lost something dear
gained artificial intimacy
structural human ritual
i have no spirit

Politics Malaysia: State Paranoia and the people’s ignorance
November 10, 2007 protest for a “clean electoral system”
I do not know the full extent of their ideologies and beliefs, but if they have something to say in 40,000 or more voices I want to know but will the press let me know? The Media representing the transition of knowledge seem to have failed to convey their intention and ideology in any comprehensive manner. I condemn not the media; conventional or traditional – but I sense a taint so imbued in the mainstream system that political expression has been reserved to “benefit” a particular group of elites.
Only voices of “importance” get printed, featured. Well, is it news or plain propaganda to reinforce political present or power; to reinstate “control” is really beyond my say. Let the audience decide for themselves?
From the dailies and BBC, November 10 in Kuala Lumpur, seem to be a protest of reform – according to the state police, 40 thousand or so protester of the “Clean Coalition” marched “illegally” without permit towards Dataran Merdeka (Merdeka Square) (look up WikiPedia to figure out the symbolic power of that particular place; I care less about patriotic symbolism - the genesis of a particular “cult” symbolism of “freedom”/ yet another state oppression). Apparently they never managed to reach their intended destination. The police were prepared to stop them at any cause, access to join the protest has been limited down too; the closure of roads and train station ( i was prevented to go where i wanted to go)– They (protester) were the disrupter, they cause traffic jams and disturbed petty operations of businessman and other shops. I shall not go into detail, it’s causing me too much energy for something silly like this, I mean, well I mean, ah, I can’t be bothered to explain it. Put it this way, I would rather be on the street holding a Molotov Cocktail.
Since it was illegal, they had no rights to be there; no say what so ever. And they refused to go, they continued to march on, they wanted a reform – the electoral system has been corrupted. They were only “Reformers” and they persisted to make their voice strong. The government on the other hand were “questioning” their motive and true intention behind the protest. To them (government) and to the press and to us the readers the bystanders, the ignorant fucks – the protester are potential risk! Rioters and chaos! They were considered “radical” too extreme for this country. To remove them, these “pest”; they (the police) were “forced” to use violence: batons, water guns and tear gases because they refuse to listen to the authorities…
Were the protesters mostly “opposition members”? Even so, should the government feel threaten by it? Should the “people” made to belief that these people are just hooligans? Did the “people” actually belief that the protest is a nuisance to their “freedom” and comfort? What were we doing when there is a call to change the country’s election system? Where are the voters? Who are the voters? What are the people doing?
And for fuck sake, it’s an only a reformation demand, a petty demand from the opposition and affiliated groups. Did the police needed to use violence to disperse the crowd? Imagine the demand to abolish the electoral system all together, the state, the government and the fucking elites; controllers of power and wealth. Would I be shot at the spot?

http://www.malaysia-today.net/blog2006/newsncom.php?itemid=942

reference_ (2006)

Oleh Saadon Aksah
Harakahdaily

(from Malaysia Today)

Opposition parties, non-governmental organizations and trade union today outlined their demand for a “clean” and fair election and demanded that Election Commission (EC) chairman Tan Sri Abdul Rashid Abdul Rahman and secretary Datuk Kamaruzaman Mohd Nor resign if they failed to meet the demand.

The Coalition for Clean and Fair Election (BERSIH) spokesperson Syed Shahir Syed Mohamud demanded that for the “immediate short term”, the EC implement the use of indelible ink as practiced in Indonesia and India to prevent multiple votings and the abolishment of postal votes except for diplomats and “other overseas voters”.

It also called for a “complete revision” of the electoral roll to ensure that the existing irregularities were removed and that a roll with “full integrity” put in place.

“We have received a lot of complaints from the public with regard to the conduct of the (general) election in 2004,” Syed Shahir who is also Malaysian Trade Union Congress (MTUC) president said at a press conference held at the Parliament lobby here.

Noting recent media reports where the EC had withdrawn some 180,000 names in the electoral voters list, Syed Shahir said the admission only corroborates on suspicions of the integrity of the electoral rolls.

“We must work from now on to ensure that we have a clean and fair election,” he said referring to the next general election which many speculated to be held on the later half of next year.

Others on the “long term reform agenda” for a clean and fair election as pursued by BERSIH were the dismantling of the present laws which resulted in a monopoly of print and broadcast media by the ruling party’s “proxies”, legal provisions for campaigning, and the lack of the independence of the EC.

It also called for the need to “correct the incredibly high disproportionality” because Malaysia’s Westminster type of elections or the “first-past-the-post” system could lead to - as exemplified in the last general election, 64 per cent popular votes won by the ruling coalition translating into 91 percent of seats in Parliament.

Also present at the press conference include Democratic Action Party (DAP) secretary general Lim Guan Eng, Islamic Party of Malaysia (PAS) deputy president Nasharuddin Mat Isa, Parti Keadilan Rakyat (PKR) president Dr Wan Azizah Wan Ismail, Socialist Party of Malaysia (PSM) pro tem secretary general S. Arutchelvan and Suara Rakyat Malaysia (SUARAM) executive director Yap Swee Seng.

alright, i have reach a point where many activities are becoming dull and pointless. i am losing meaning and i am losing friends… i guess i just have to hang on, get my butt into motion…after this….is it possible after i die?

 

well, it 9 am in the morning, a sunday morning, the net seem to be a place i feel no use, it’s becoming a lonely place….as i ponder about the subject matter to write on, i ponder in depth of my problems, problem i do not want to bother and i can not hope for someone to save me from it.

 

i was thinking political, the social political situation in Malaysia, the "one-party press", and the patheticness of Malaysian journalism ( in main stream media). but there was a topic i really wanted to discuss a long time ago, "rape", the frequency and the responses.

i guess i’ll briefly talk about the latter topic until i feel like going back to bed….

 

Now, without the maths, i have make the assumption base on the reports from the media. the rate of rape in this country has risen to a riduculous level? why? without any basis on the past and comparison, but i’m grounding on my gut feeling and observation from the news paper. in seven days, it is likely to spot one reported case in the media every two days. sometimes more but that is really not the subject matter. the subject is, people have "accepted" the fact that it is not always very save for womyn at certain places; the middle class womyn would be aware and would totally avoid such places- they would have cars, buddies ( not saying that they are free from attacks, but i just want to bring in some awareness about socio-background in relation with reported rape cases, many times it happens to the "statuesly less statues" in society) anyway, back to the point, ( or there is no point at all) - acceptance is one issue, the response is another: at the rate, there is no "out cry" or even "voices" of concern - the people and government are almost equally in denial, where the issue are not consider to be an alarmingly serious problem. we, somehow have reach a point where it is acceptable to feel fear, insecurity, and the restriction of freedom…we know according to the media, that "crime" has increase for some random and unknown reason. ( yes, i do not believe there is any discussion about crime and why is it increasing, there are just more migrants/ alien criminals in the country) - speaking of that, besides the existing "racial" issues, we ( as "citizen" or rather occupants of a certain territory) are creating other "racial" issues with other "alien" community… personally, i hate the word "race", but the media, the government, the people use it to distinguish "identity". for promoting multi-culture society, yet we constantly discreet the difference - so we are actually a different race, are we really different?

i believe i have gone of tangent, but who cares…. this is not a "proper" article or any of it’s kind,

it’s my mind…..

okay, i think the issue with "race" has some part in the issue on rape, gang rape and other forms of sexual assault, but i shall not dwell in there, since i have not done sufficient research on it…..

 

anyway, the issue is simple, the "people" has rely/ dependent on the " multi-gang-up government" … haha no, no, it’s just a blind attack, obviously the issue is much much more complicated…. but here is what i want to say…. i am disgusted every time i read the papers about it, imagine the unreported cases, and cases the media didint’ bother to cover. there is a serious readjustment to be made—- the way i see the problem is, one, cultural "ignorance" on the assumption or "imbeded" idea in patriarchy ideology, i beleive it is mainly an stupid understanding of "tradition" and "tradition";  so it goes to the traditional way of male and female blah blah..  that’s one. Two,  government/ policy/ education/ economy… the people who are in parliament , with their nice royal like titles are part of this  "tradition", decadence!  well, cannot deny their interest in "modernization" and idustralization, in the expense of "cultural POVERTY" and  suffering in the guise of economic  gain…  three  -  cannibalization. Four, men. Five. MEN. six. alright this is important…. no one  is brave enough to voice it out! louD!  who is going to "link" the problem….. we are treating each issue "discreetly" to avoid "complication", and by the unholy GOD, we are a bunch of ignorant fucks! " we want him to be punish, he is a criminal!" "he deserves to be punished" "put him in jail!" "eradicate the criminals!" …………

 

 

 

it has been a while and far away

i’m stuck in a drift

nor here or there

in hopes somehow in time

it releases me

work, time, love, passion

it’s becoming a meaningless routine

retreat, retreat, retreat, let me retreat for a while

give me some time

this is my apology without excuse

love, 

~The power~

i just got out the shower, dried my hair with a week old towel, i should have changed it two days ago. Care-less. It doesn’t smell and I couldn’t be bothered… It was an end of my twirling around subtlety meaningless thought as i approach the basin, with four feet tall wall mirror above; in that space, there is no escape from it as if you are trap within your body – imagine that. You trap in your body, you trap within yourself, ridiculous isn’t it? Not for a momentary second of our predesignated concept of time i have utterly and virtually doubt that tautological statement i’ve just made up. It was that kind of moment you normally get that transcending insight; that kinda of revelation of reality, some constructively soothing thought we made up some thousand years ago. Well, thank you for wasting my miserable existing neurological composite for three fucking seconds. I’d look at the mirror, stone of my heads, drying off my hair, looking at my charmingly mediocre facial features; i am really stone of my face! The tooth brash enters the mouth, it suppose to clean of dirt* and germs, and you are suppose to get pearl white beautifully even sets of teeth, perfectness. It’s been fucking 20 years i’ve listen to this fairy tale propaganda and forceful attempts, even religiously, to brush my teeth on a regular basis, although i believe for the first 10 years i have not mastered the brush in the mouth normative action nor have i practiced it effectively; and i can’t even say my existence after that was like St Peter’s devotion to god… Many forgetful nights where the level of spiritual transcendence has reach it’s peak, and it’s time for a roller coaster ride, down! I see the ads, the cover of that paste for the tooth – it still doesn’t match. The trip was short, like usual, i rush through my brushing amenity like i’m about late for work, and normally it’s the last thing to do in your usual breakfast-time routine, and when you reach there, you are just cut for time, from two minutes ( i was told to do so when i was younger) to 20 seconds of our quantum understanding of time. I had enough thought about work, i’m suppose to be asleep, to re energize for another 12 hours wasting human resource. I believe they are wasting my human resource, they should back pay the time i’d slept for them. When i was about to spit the white pearly coloured foam in my mouth, i’d spotted an ant, hmm maybe it was another type of insect, i couldn’t tell and it shows my level of ignorance; how blindly i’ve neglected the surroundings i’m helplessly trapped in. Nevertheless, its in my way, its in the way of “my” routine where i brush my teeth in from of the mirror and right below it is the basin where you are suppose to do most of your oral and facial ritual, well, some people prefer it in the shower room, some had to do it in dirt. I could have spit it now and there, i could have just wasted my time thinking about my action, cease to contemplate the karmic reality of my action if i have not done it; i could have been in bed 3 seconds earlier than usual…The remainder of that four years, i didn’t thought the tooth brush was invented yet…It did not survived the crawl out to it’s instinctual routine.

when the routine of ‘life’ seem to take whole of your life, you start to search for this essense. and this essense seems to give some meaning. you wonder, you think about it and you tell yourself "it’s okay, i am done with it". yet, and the truth, if there ever was the truth, is (it lingers on). the troubled sensation is your whole life, and you try to compensate with another thought, another activity, another passion, something, just seomthing to take "this" pain away. and you realise that you can never really escape this ‘life’. so you give in, you conform to yourself and the mystery forces. and this is how we trap ourself. i salute to this thing we know as ‘life’, it is truly the best alienating experience. you get first class every time.

to those out there, who believed, who are caught but refused to be part off, who fight and fight against ‘life’ for life. you know time is running up. i think ‘life’ is too big to fight against. and most people are caught in it with a few controling it who are also caught in it. idiots!

what can i say?

so where do we escape to this time? what is the next solution. when do we wait for another problem? the question is what other problem do we create for the future when the only problem is our problem. 

 

and someone, some being, something, or some force, take me now, take me to another dimension and another plain, kill me now, i belong here not. may my ‘life’ cease for a peace of mind. it is hopeless to hope.

before you read on, i have tell you this is a complaint. yes i am filling a complaint and filing for future purposes.

 

 the days are moving, well time seems to be moving but i, i am still.

it’s hard to describe, but perhaps i do not belong to this perceived time

so where has my time gone? what is my time? i do not know

perhaps i do feel it, do i know? well, ah, hmmm

i feel it, my vocabulary and sentence constructs or expression could not articulate it 

i feel like i’m going in the wrong kind of circle, i feel alone in this circle

there are people but i don’t know what to say

who are they? i do not know

i find it hard to adjust, adjusting, mask changing, it is an absurd identity crisis!

it is restricting, the idea of liberty seems more real, the concept seems to be true in this time, the American psycho way

i believe we are definitely doomed, but no one seem to care, and it is my perception, and i am feeling it

so, i was wondering to myself, well, well well, i really, that time is doomed and our individual time is up

ah, i am damn, and damn all "mankind"

this is frustration, indeed it is, and where is this going? someone would might read it, most people won’t, and it will be another day

another perception, another mind

and again i proved my self wrong… logically

this is a complaint after all 

 

This is an excert from wiki:

A genre [ˈʒã:rə], (French: "kind" or "sort") is a loose set of criteria for a category of literary composition; the term is also used for any other form of art or utterance.

In all art forms, genres are vague categories with no fixed boundaries. Genres are formed by sets of conventions, and many works cross into multiple genres by way of borrowing and recombining these conventions. The scope of the word "genre" is usually confined to art and culture, particularly literature. In genre studies the concept of genre is not compared to originality. Rather, all works are recognized as either reflecting on or participating in the conventions of genre.

I’ve started with the copy, the brief definition, the explanation from wiki because i think its "fair", i do believe that as "conventional" beings, it is "necessity". what exactly - i believe there is none, but it is more like a "tool of necessity" - The conventional means of communication and categorization, it has become our reductionist habit, our discriminatory behaviour, What Has? The way (in general) and as far i can imagine, it as the "distinction engine". i say, it has always been there (metaphysically) and throughout times we use it differently; the application defers from time to time; the way differ? i hope you get what i mean…

Photography, as one pick this "tool" and start "creating" existence and all there is - it is boundless, well it feels like it, perhaps not. It is "new", it is infinite, and the analogy or the idea of a new born baby - the idea about a "start" "directionless". In other way, there is some sense of being "pure" but lets not go too far. one start exploring and exploring, and soon, there is a particular "way", assuming that every individual will come across major character "build-up" (from socialization or/and self-realization. i believe they are the same, self-realization in what you really "really" prefer? it’s a difficult question, but i like to challenge you that you don’t actually … hmmm put it this way, you are not "The Agent" of self realization (of a particular character…) fuck me?… no fuck you! ignorant arrogant piece of shit! we are in the same plane!

ah, photography,, and art in general…. okay, so, as you explore, you find that this particular way of "taking" it, expressing it "feels" right, it is something i want to go into, experiment, experience, etc thus i go (maybe after a period of time, i will lost interest, but i do not know) and since, you would like to share this "way" of expressing, (if you really want to) and you need to communicate to others, to let others know, understand etc. A formulation in language begins, you start to use words to identify/describe a particular phenomenon, you start to use words for a method, a technique etc. and soon, there seem to be a wealth of data, knowledge, documentation, etc… it becomes a discipline, a particular way of art……a particular way of expressing……

 

Here is the List.

before Time remove my memory, before work replace time, before i lose it.

- finish up capito-family relationship ("typical East/South East Asian syndrome")

- current "crime" issue in Malaysia. and a truly stupid Newspapers in Malaysia - the problem from the people and the government. who are the "criminals"? the people? government? and the "criminals"? what the "criminals"

- "crime" the issue gets complicated. xenophobia! racism! inferiority-complex! foreigners! wait! what foreigner? white = positive, others = ???           ( i have to say, racism in malaysia is really fucked UP!, i know, i know, it’s apparent else where, perhaps the "same", but it is not, you know it…….)

-