the infamous mind attack destroyed

Letter to  Umiyakyo,

 Since Chaos decided to declare ’self-preservation’, we have been apart, it has been a while since we last met, i could not even remember when… It is obvious that Chaos is under the disguise of internal denial. The situation now is more like sakoku, i remember my grandparents telling me about the last time Chaos decided to declare Sakoku, it was horrible! I feel that we have been striped of our happiness, our freedom, our love…, our true expression, our hearts have been chained to Ignorance I really hope that I could see you once again and to those who is dear to me, but for the time being, we have to stay strong and stay embraced in seclusion.

 

love,  Miyamoto 

Citizens and international-friends,

Chaos is under red alert, threaten by external and internal measures unidentified by our inteligencesia; Thus, Chaos has declared self-preservation, disengaging all international portals and links. Locking on High-Alert and engaging Internal-Hibernation. All citizens are prohibited to interact with any aliens. If caught, deprogramization will be enforced, depersonalization will be enforced. Consider warned.

 

!

Interlude: the summary of how did it all happen, what happen to the window, what did the window- opening ritual brought/ gave/insight to the author/ the pseudo-insane pathetic writer.

 

nothing really happen, what happen was, it was a lovely day, he dicided to open the window, the window was open, and he felt a sleep on his formless bed, when he lied on the bed , asleep, he felt, here comes the dream, he dreamt of writting an interlude, he did not know what it meant, it meant nothing, in the end, he gave up, in the end nothing was given up. thus, nothing really happen…

Under blue moon I saw you
So soon you’ll take me
Up in your arms
Too late to beg you or cancel it
Though I know it must be the killing time
Unwillingly mine

Fate
Up against your will
Through the thick and thin
He will wait until
You give yourself to him

In starlit nights I saw you
So cruelly you kissed me
Your lips a magic world
Your sky all hung with jewels
The killing moon
Will come too soon

Fate
Up against your will
Through the thick and thin
He will wait until
You give yourself to him

Under blue moon I saw you
So soon you’ll take me
Up in your arms
Too late to beg you or cancel it
Though I know it must be the killing time
Unwillingly mine

Fate
Up against your will
Through the thick and thin
He will wait until
You give yourself to him

Fate
Up against your will
Through the thick and thin
He will wait until
You give yourself to him
You give yourself to him

La la la la la…

Fate
Up against your will
Through the thick and thin
He will wait until
You give yourself to him

La la la la la…

Fate
Up against your will
Through the thick and thin
He will wait until
You give yourself to him

Fate
Up against your will
Through the thick and thin
He will wait until
You give yourself to him

La la la la la…

 

Magnolia Electric Co > Northstar blues

where were the rest of my songs tonight?
i only remember the north star blues
simple old song, a stage each night
marking the time that i lost you

no one should forgive me
i knew what i stood to lose
i’m better off now
just forgettin’ how i came to earn/have
the north star blues

how can i be the only one
whose life can’t live up to the life
how can i be the only one
whose heart refuses to try

 

 - this song really caught me today, i suppose the mood of the song reflected how i felt today. it felt like i can feel his dillema, his pain, his sadness,…[they just don’t get it, they don’t understand, no i can’t be what you want me to be today…]

Some background information on the teletransporter story/article:

 imagine that you are not really you; that you cannot be the same at all instances;perhaps you die and reborn again…..

question: what is the essence/substance of you? 

Dear Carissa,

 i would rewrite my thoughts, feelings, and memories but what is lost is lost, what is gone is gone. i can not undo what is done. it is most unfortunate that my intended words in the letter never reach you heart. i am regrettably shreded.

be well my friend,

love,
Malissa. 

 

imagine there is a ‘teletranspoter’ that could take you anywhere in the uni(multi)verse. however, in order to get there, wherever there is…, yes. there is a catch, a price to pay. so here’s the deal: "the teletransporter will take you where ever you want, but you will not get there" or, in other words, "you will not be exactly who you will be when you reach your destination." What is that suppose to mean? suppose that someone like Bruce decided to travel by plane from Paris to New Orleans, and the plane had a malfunction in the engine somewhere during that journey, it unwillingly crash into the ocean and killed Bruce. i suppose we could assume what "… but you did not get there." meant, which sound reasonable, i suppose (some) air planes do sometimes crashes every now and then. i suppose some teletransporter sometime break down and unable to send the person traveling to its pre-destined, destination.

 

it shall be continue…. for next time.. the story of the teletransporter and the person who could not decide whether to travel with it or not. (the truth is, i’m feeling a little tired, so i think i’m going to play some video game and then sleep)

 

 

 

this is a psuedo-physical-abtract space of ‘my’ world, quite frankly, i want to believe that ‘i’ don’t really exist; ‘i’ just bare too much self-consevation, selfishness, persistence, ignorance, pain, hurt. I believe i am just a collections of mental and physical construtions/structure/aggregates with temporal continuaty and some sense of causal connectedness and relatedness. so this is where part of me exist, part of my mind, part of my emotion, and part of my existense. in fact, it is part of “our” existense, the memories, emotions, thought, knowledge, wisdom, events- happiness, sadness, pain, pleasure that ‘i’ have shared and gathered from all different media, and the experience is like it is mine, but surely, and clearly the acknowledgement goes much further then I. Thus, Welcome to Our space, our world, our mind, our emotion, our pain, our joy, our human-ness, our being….in this so-call reality