the infamous mind attack destroyed

 A vow: I foresee my present to be void, empty of essence - caught in the chaotic web of causation. From fear and ignorance, I’d seek false asylum in tainted house; where I seek I to be the safest refuge. My presents became significant, my existence became unique; it has claimed independence. Soon, the thirst for serenity is indulged whenever danger and treachery bestowed on to I. After all, we are children of the ruin - we cannot escape our nature; we believe it is our nature, it is natural, and it is what it supposes to be. How can I refute such truth? The truth most attune to. Thus, with my limited ability and comprehension, I vow for something incomprehensible, something wishful, and something against I – I vow to destroy myself, that this existence is not impended onto me, that I am the children of the ruin caught in the chaotic web of causation. My existence extends to causal infiniteness; until I completely destroy myself, I shall only practice compassion for all sentient beings, respect all beings because they created me.

3 Libras
Threw you the obviousAnd you flew with it on your backA name in your recollectionDown among a million, say:Difficult enough to feel a little bitDisappointed, passed over.When I’ve looked right through,To see you naked and obliviousand you don’t see me
	
Well I threw you the obvious,Just to see if there’s more behind theEyes of a fallen angel,Eyes of a tragedy.
	
Here I am expecting just a little bitToo much from the woundedBut I see,See through it all,See through,And see you.
	
So I threw you the obviousDo you see what occurs behind theEyes of a fallen angelEyes of a tragedy
	
Well, oh well..
	
Apparently nothing.Apparently nothing at all.
	
You don’tYou don’tYou don’t see meYou don’tYou don’tYou don’t see meYou don’tYou don’tYou don’t see meYou don’tYou don’tYou don’t see me at all

if only i could tumble and look at the sky, but in the end we are children of the ruin. Cloned by the Infallible Juggernaut, we are wicked, we are wise, we are young, and the night stretches from spring to nothing. The day is accidental, we rule what we feel; we feel and rule. the flowers praise our existence, the sun hail at our knees. Nothing is going to stop us now, we run, we run, we were dashing through paper pastic scenary, we were charming, we were wild. our moments were gold, our touch revive, our speech enlights; we thought we could go forever. our fuel indistinguishable, we could not be seen, we could not see. we fall, we fall, in love with the wind, we fall, in love with our mistakes. we fall, we fall, all we could do is fall. our forever fall. our forever love, our forever charm, our forever laughter, forever we fall. we were truly wild.

i wish, i wish, i could cut myself. drain my blood dry, replace them with nothing. i wish, i wish, i could rip my organs in pieces, and sell it to the ripper. i wish i wish, i could pull my eyes out slowly while starring at the sun’s violent sympathy for 99 years. i wish,i wish, i could pulverize my skin inch by inch… i wish, i wish, sunday rain torns on me….. i wish, i wish, i live forever, so i can relive it over and over again. i wish, i wish, it will never stop….. i wish, i wish

i can’t help it! what it felt like is not true, what it felt now is not true. so what should i say? if i said what i’ve been thinking, if i said what i felt, it will only bring more confusion, destruction and aparthy. do i have a choice? i do, but i refuse to…acknowledge, because i do not know what is true, what is actually real? if i can’t tell you what is real, i can not tell you anything.

    so leave me destructed, torn, and in torment… there is nothing pleasant for you here, don’t waste you effort in something nothing

so my apology, this is how it’s going to be for now… 

Now that it's JuneWe’ll sleep out in the gardenAnd if it rainsWe’ll just sink into the mudWhere it is quietAnd much cooler than the house isAnd there’s no clocksOr phones to wake us upBecause I have learnedThat nothing is as pressingAs the one who is pressingWould like you to believeAnd I’m contentTo walk a little slowerBecause there’s nowhere that…I really need to beAnd I find that life is easierWhen it is just a blurWith no details to confuseWho or what or where I wasSo when the ending comesThe full regret will seem obscureBut these are days we dream aboutWhen the sunlight paints us goldAnd this apartment could not be prettierAs we danced up there aloneAnd this TV’s oldThe color’s fuckedDo you see the difference in the shades?But the green’s still close to green, my loveAnd I believe we are the sameAnd we’ll stay like this, all gold and greenLight collects and projects your heart on a movie screenAnd if you close your eyes we will always beThe way we were that night you crawled inside of meAnd you slept in my bloodThe way you sleep nowThe quietest hushHas consumed this houseAnd when the doctors have goneAnd you sweat through the bedWith all these pictures and pillsThey piled around your headJust rest nowAnd in a moment you’ll know everythingWas it all a dream?It’s too vague now to recountAn outline of the one you lovedIn a life that wasThat no longer will beStands above youAs you sleep

You came to me yesterdayAnd you were feeling smallAnd you come to me todayBecause no one seems to Like your style at allAnd you’ll be back tomorrowWhen you’ve had it up to hereBut you know, I hope you knowThat when it’s you and me there is no fearAnd why is the fact so much easier to believe?We’ve both admitted this So how can it still persist?And it should come to one of us has to leaveI promise you, that it won’t be youNo it won’t be youAnd it won’t be, I promise youThat it won’t be youNo it won’t be youAnd it won’t be you

Greetings all, greetings to all suspended in the web of causation, and greetings to those who hope for hopelessness.

It is about time chaos officially shut its portals and connections; refine to its disposition and recline to its previous state. For some time, chaos has set up its necessary parameters and measurements, preparing for the ultimate shutdown. Citizens and neighbors must have felt its cancer-like impact, and effect, slowly crawling, spreading apathy and misery to every detail; there is no reverser, no cure, and no prevention. All one can hope is sympathy, empathy and patience. Nevertheless, it is not the end of the world. Survival has its means and ways. The unfortunate cravings will sustain what is necessary for chaos’ existences. Concerns about chaos’ being thus not matter…

future dreaming is selfish, self- preserving, it is pathetic, so maybe if you think your future dreaming is pathetic, then you have to change your ‘real’ life. that is so call future planning. ….i feel like knowing someone… maybe you… maybe not…. i dunno …te..hmm..so i’d reached out to safe myself….

you future dream to forget something, why? for myself? to dwell? why? ‘maybe i must be tired or something’

it is pathetic!! to…to future dream

pipe dream… it is escapticism

there is a reason, the point is i’m here…. but why?  but because you are here, (do i have the right to ‘utilize’ you present ness for the benefit of myself) :that’s what friends do….i have apple in my teeth, i have to de-apple………..
….why is it okay to open the window to safe myself?   why not…? because….. there is a sense of preservation, for survival…but there are other ways…. ways that would not affect others, ways that is less self preserving, ways that the intention of selfishness is not present.  do i know what the ways are? yeah… but it is kinda hard…i am trying to re evaluate my illusory need to be a ‘perfect person being’ who are you to be the cool judger?? but it does feel some sort familiar and ‘normal’…… i don’t think i have any concept of positivity.. i think that is an illusion, why? why can’t those things have a general negativity, and there are some ‘positive’ things. it is just a lesser degree of the negative… it is relativism……… the me a i am do not think there is anything positive… that is construction that is no reality… i view life, existence itself is negative…. maybe that is reality maybe it is not…. too much expectation….. am i happy? may not be normality…. do i have to live these life everyday?? am i disturbing you? honestly? …… no?? concern……the concerns is concerning… but i’m always going to be concern….. it’s not humanity??  it is pathetic…. that my concerns is concerning for me…

word of wisdom… always…. i don’t want to want…. this want is driving me driving me crazy….. but I do not WANT to BE HAPPY…but i can have meaning in life without wanting to want in my life…………………. i dunno…. ….. but i don’t WANT…….  i don’t care about "Survival" there must be another way!! there must be another way!  no, i want nothing from you, no there is nothing to want… and i know that…. no…. wait… maybe….

So what is the future dreaming: The Future Dreaming. Never dare to watch, because I am so damn scared when….