the infamous mind attack destroyed

it has been a while and far away

i’m stuck in a drift

nor here or there

in hopes somehow in time

it releases me

work, time, love, passion

it’s becoming a meaningless routine

retreat, retreat, retreat, let me retreat for a while

give me some time

this is my apology without excuse

love, 

it has been a while since i’ve last visited this blog, it has been a while i’d last wrote "something". even though i’ve been hired as a writer for a "PR" propagandist consultant. it’s funny, i have been "writing" so much lately, it almost feels "empty". however, it seems to lead me to another "way" realization. it is "empty" after all, what do i mean here? i do not really know. but it is as if writing is for the sake of writing, no perhaps i’m not getting it clear. it has become a necessity, the "quest-ion" is how do i balance it. no, the question is, any form of expression in writing is just another form. perhaps, i am not going anywhere, perhaps the purpose of writing really have a "reason", perhaps the reason behind the reason lies more reason, perhaps, there is none at all. that writing is a tool, to reinvent what is there already, to show new perspective, angle, light, blah blah blah. is necessity becoming clear? perhaps you are right, i AM writing to an audience, but is it really for you to read? or is it for me to self-reflect? i do not know, but i do know it is a form of expression on what its already there, happening, going to, has, was, whatever. If only i have the thirst for more, to write, write, write, write. but i do not have the energy - it’s draining, the capitalist world is taking my life slowly, and surely, i’ve dramatized it, so What!? i fear that it is really the truth. i fear by the time my life ends, i’ve not uncover the lies buried deep beneath, not even close, that most people remained as stupid as i am today. i apologize that you have to bear with me, i apologize that you no longer see the world through my eyes. i apologize i no longer see it through yours.

 

i can’t help it! what it felt like is not true, what it felt now is not true. so what should i say? if i said what i’ve been thinking, if i said what i felt, it will only bring more confusion, destruction and aparthy. do i have a choice? i do, but i refuse to…acknowledge, because i do not know what is true, what is actually real? if i can’t tell you what is real, i can not tell you anything.

    so leave me destructed, torn, and in torment… there is nothing pleasant for you here, don’t waste you effort in something nothing

so my apology, this is how it’s going to be for now…