the infamous mind attack destroyed

~The power~

i just got out the shower, dried my hair with a week old towel, i should have changed it two days ago. Care-less. It doesn’t smell and I couldn’t be bothered… It was an end of my twirling around subtlety meaningless thought as i approach the basin, with four feet tall wall mirror above; in that space, there is no escape from it as if you are trap within your body – imagine that. You trap in your body, you trap within yourself, ridiculous isn’t it? Not for a momentary second of our predesignated concept of time i have utterly and virtually doubt that tautological statement i’ve just made up. It was that kind of moment you normally get that transcending insight; that kinda of revelation of reality, some constructively soothing thought we made up some thousand years ago. Well, thank you for wasting my miserable existing neurological composite for three fucking seconds. I’d look at the mirror, stone of my heads, drying off my hair, looking at my charmingly mediocre facial features; i am really stone of my face! The tooth brash enters the mouth, it suppose to clean of dirt* and germs, and you are suppose to get pearl white beautifully even sets of teeth, perfectness. It’s been fucking 20 years i’ve listen to this fairy tale propaganda and forceful attempts, even religiously, to brush my teeth on a regular basis, although i believe for the first 10 years i have not mastered the brush in the mouth normative action nor have i practiced it effectively; and i can’t even say my existence after that was like St Peter’s devotion to god… Many forgetful nights where the level of spiritual transcendence has reach it’s peak, and it’s time for a roller coaster ride, down! I see the ads, the cover of that paste for the tooth – it still doesn’t match. The trip was short, like usual, i rush through my brushing amenity like i’m about late for work, and normally it’s the last thing to do in your usual breakfast-time routine, and when you reach there, you are just cut for time, from two minutes ( i was told to do so when i was younger) to 20 seconds of our quantum understanding of time. I had enough thought about work, i’m suppose to be asleep, to re energize for another 12 hours wasting human resource. I believe they are wasting my human resource, they should back pay the time i’d slept for them. When i was about to spit the white pearly coloured foam in my mouth, i’d spotted an ant, hmm maybe it was another type of insect, i couldn’t tell and it shows my level of ignorance; how blindly i’ve neglected the surroundings i’m helplessly trapped in. Nevertheless, its in my way, its in the way of “my” routine where i brush my teeth in from of the mirror and right below it is the basin where you are suppose to do most of your oral and facial ritual, well, some people prefer it in the shower room, some had to do it in dirt. I could have spit it now and there, i could have just wasted my time thinking about my action, cease to contemplate the karmic reality of my action if i have not done it; i could have been in bed 3 seconds earlier than usual…The remainder of that four years, i didn’t thought the tooth brush was invented yet…It did not survived the crawl out to it’s instinctual routine.

 A vow: I foresee my present to be void, empty of essence - caught in the chaotic web of causation. From fear and ignorance, I’d seek false asylum in tainted house; where I seek I to be the safest refuge. My presents became significant, my existence became unique; it has claimed independence. Soon, the thirst for serenity is indulged whenever danger and treachery bestowed on to I. After all, we are children of the ruin - we cannot escape our nature; we believe it is our nature, it is natural, and it is what it supposes to be. How can I refute such truth? The truth most attune to. Thus, with my limited ability and comprehension, I vow for something incomprehensible, something wishful, and something against I – I vow to destroy myself, that this existence is not impended onto me, that I am the children of the ruin caught in the chaotic web of causation. My existence extends to causal infiniteness; until I completely destroy myself, I shall only practice compassion for all sentient beings, respect all beings because they created me.

Some background information on the teletransporter story/article:

 imagine that you are not really you; that you cannot be the same at all instances;perhaps you die and reborn again…..

question: what is the essence/substance of you? 

 

imagine there is a ‘teletranspoter’ that could take you anywhere in the uni(multi)verse. however, in order to get there, wherever there is…, yes. there is a catch, a price to pay. so here’s the deal: "the teletransporter will take you where ever you want, but you will not get there" or, in other words, "you will not be exactly who you will be when you reach your destination." What is that suppose to mean? suppose that someone like Bruce decided to travel by plane from Paris to New Orleans, and the plane had a malfunction in the engine somewhere during that journey, it unwillingly crash into the ocean and killed Bruce. i suppose we could assume what "… but you did not get there." meant, which sound reasonable, i suppose (some) air planes do sometimes crashes every now and then. i suppose some teletransporter sometime break down and unable to send the person traveling to its pre-destined, destination.

 

it shall be continue…. for next time.. the story of the teletransporter and the person who could not decide whether to travel with it or not. (the truth is, i’m feeling a little tired, so i think i’m going to play some video game and then sleep)